He Can't Be
by alisoncullen92
Summary: Brennan a few hours after she finds out that Booth died.


**-This goes back to that episode where the woman got all obsessed with Booth and jealous of Brennan and tried to shoot her when she was getting her groove on to 'Girls Just Wanna have Fun". Then, Booth jumped in front of the bullet and the producers decided to play a HORRIBLE trick on all of us and say that Booth was dead, when in reality, he was just undercover, and Bones wasn't told....**

**Yeah, Bones producers? You're still not forgiven for that one: )**

**The songs not mine, either, its Don Campbell's, my cousin. The song actually means a lot to me.**

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

... The word lost all meaning to me.

What were they trying to tell me?

He could not be dead. There was no way that Seeley Booth is dead.

One bullet fired by a psychotic woman, could not take a man like Seeley Booth down.

But, it did.

I sat in my apartment staring at the walls, tears streamed down my cheek, and my knees were tucked under my chest. He was gone. How could he be gone? I choked on a sob, and buried my head in my chest and cried. My heart wretched as memories of him fluttered through my thoughts.

"No." I whispered, "He can't be. It was supposed to be me." My phone vibrated in my pocket, I ignored it. I didn't need anyone to hear rational, steady-headed, Temperance Brennan totally breaking down. My mind raced from past to present. There was so much to say to him, so much to thank him for, so many questions left unasked. "Why wasn't it me?" I asked, angrily, throwing a pillow across the room. It hit the wall and slid to the floor. The phone vibrated again I let it go to voice mail. Another sob took over my entire being, and tears streamed violently down my face. I'd dealt with death and loss my entire life, but never had it hurt so badly. Every part of me no matter how in-centesimally small ached, for him to be with me again.

I looked at my hands; I'd pulled the trigger on her before she could do any more damage. I'd always thought that if I ever killed a person, I'd regret it; but I didn't. That woman, that crazy woman, had taken away the one man that refused to leave me. Though I hated to admit it, he had truly been a shoulder to lean on, a comforting presence that I would never forget. He'd left a mark on me that would never fade. His face flashed before me once again, I flinched away from it; a throbbing pain in my chest now punished me, the guilt I felt was unbearable. This was agony, pure, raw, undeniable agony.

I stood up and strode across the room, I grabbed my coat and my keys before I slammed my apartment door shut. I knew it wasn't a great idea to drive in my current condition, but I put the key in the ignition and got onto the street anyway. I vaguely registered that the streets were empty, I glanced at the radio, it was three AM. At a stoplight I searched through my CDs and found one that Russ had given me, one that he had obtained on a weekend trip to Maine; The Don Campbell Band.

I looked at the track listing and found one that seemed appropriate, "Place Behind the Sun" Though I didn't believe in an afterlife, he did. It started with a slow acoustic guitar, and then added a slow strumming banjo and a calming, deep voice filtered in:

_Take this soul, it's all filled up with love_

_As my life's good work on Earth is done._

_Point me down that road that leads me to the one_

_Where I'll take my place behind the sun._

_There's a light inside of me_

_I know it'll always shine_

_Far beyond the deepest, darkest edge of time_

_I've got friends and family,_

_They'll be waiting there for me_

_As I take my place behind the sun._

_See my star, shining in the sky_

_It's the newest, brightest blinking one_

_From this view, I can always check on you_

_From my bright new home behind the sun._

_There's a light inside of me_

_I know it'll always shine_

_Far beyond the deepest, darkest edge of time_

_I've got friends and family,_

_They'll be waiting there for me_

_As I take my place behind the sun._

_Across that golden paved roadway_

Smiling faces line the sides

Waving, welcome home, it's this way

Where you'll feel no more pain inside

Years from now, when you are old and gray,

And your memory fades of all you've done

Well, I'll be waiting, when you step through my door

And you'll find your place behind the sun

The chorus repeated a few times I listened intensely; the tears grew thicker. I so wanted to believe this. But I knew that I couldn't.

I pulled into the Jeffersonian and got out of the car, rushing into the building.

The security guard waved me by when I produced my ID card and I found my way to my office. I stood there, in the center of the room, looking around, remembering. We had been in here the day before talking, laughing, and living. I choked back a sob and walked to my desk, taking out a case file. I pulled on my lab jacket and wiped away my tears.

He was gone, and I just had to accept that, though he would never be truly gone to me.


End file.
